When aliens came to Earth, it became apparent that they came only for our wood. Wood is the rarest type of material in the Milky Way Galaxy. Unlike for us humans, trees are considered drugs for intergalactic species or so called ‘aliens’. It is also the most heavily regulated because of how addictive it is. Depending on the species and the planetary origin of the wood, one can get silly or get dead-y.
Unfortunately, despite the deforestation crisis, Earth was rather abundant in it. And coconut wood is the most potent and most addictive wood ever found. So now the entire galaxy is split between eradicating Earth (the planet of drugs), and milking it for money.
And here comes Narciso, my Tatay, in the middle of it all, trading woods with aliens in exchange of money to support me, her granddaughter, to law school. Since wood trading with aliens is banned on Earth, he's now a criminal.
"How could you do that, 'Tay?!" I asked him as I saw him in the middle of a negotiation with Madam Khushet - an avian biped and a ferocious intergalactic criminal. Madam Khushet is nothing like an ordinary fiend. She's the type who bows to no law.
As soon as I arrived, the silhouette of the creature faded into the distance, her feathers swaying in the heat. I never realized I was holding my breath until I let it go.
My grandpa yanked the shutters close and barred the door with a large crowbar. He, too, sighed. "What do I do? You need money for toweshon (tuition) to law school, so I get the money.” Tatay's tongue is unused to fluency.
"That doesn't justify doing illegal drug trading!"
"No illegal, just coconut! This is legal, not drugs. This okay, Jemi. No one will know." grandpa spat
* * *
Then the government found out. Shit. They sent us a man in a black suit, carrying a red briefcase. We found him waiting on our front porch. I tried to smile at him. But he ignored me, and paid attention to my grandfather instead.
"Good afternoon. I assume you already know why I'm here?" he asked, flashing his ID.
Tatay bowed. "I am going to prisoner? I know already."
I hugged my grandfather, tears sliding from my lashes. My grandfather is my last family. It has been Narciso and Jamie for the past 20 years. Now, it might be Jamie only.
"Oh, do not worry. I actually came with a proposition for you, Mr. Narciso," the man said. He pulled out a handkerchief and offered it to me. "The world actually wished to thank you for offering us an opportunity."
Tatay and I looked in confusion. "Opportunity?," I asked.
The man smiled.
* * *
I hid in the hollow of an old Acacia tree as the three people approached. Well, only two of them are humans. The third creature was Khushet of the Federal States of Dhiesla. She scratched her scaly claws on the soil. Feathered, criminal, drug lord—an angry Khushet is a sight to behold.
"I don't like... him, Siso," the bird screeched. The scratching continues. "We had a deal; us two. How dare you, liar troll!"
"Maam Khushet, I does not want to be prisoner. I only want Jemi pay toweshon on law school," my grandfather, pleaded. "Please, I need is money. Nothing else."
The diplomat threaded behind them with a tensed expression. Khushet is a criminal of dominant influence. Even empires are terrified of her power. With a single blink, she can save or condemn the Philippines from imminent invasion, and strengthen Earth's space economy.
"Madam Khushet, although Mr. Cabra owns the property, it is sovereign to the Philippines. Thus, all interstellar trades must be mediated by us."
"Shut up, Swindler-be's you are! I don't care about this Pipins! I only want the wood! I want the good stuff!" Her beaks are like sharp blades. As they snapped, they came mere inches away from Tatay's neck.
“I feel dizzy. How could Tatay look so calm?”
As the group neared my hiding spot, I heard a snap. The signal! I unwound the thread from my index finger. As I did, a loud thud brought on a violating stale scent to my hiding spot. The trap was a success!
After a while, I got the courage to peek from my hiding spot. There's nothing but the orange haze of a ton of coconut sawdust polluting the air. I could barely make out Tatay and the diplomat covering their noses with handkerchiefs. However, on the ground convulsing with manic laughter is Khushet.
Although most of the interstellar populace consume wood through eating, the Dhiesli folks consume the addictive substance by inhaling.
I emerged from my spot, waving at the humans through the thick veil of dust.
"Excellent work, Miss Jamie," the diplomat grinned.
Tatay turned to him. "Will you turn Jemi into a lawyer now?" he asked.
“'Tay, I'll have to pass the bar to be a lawyer, remember?" I replied.
"I'm afraid Miss Jamie is right, Mr. Cabra. There's no shortcut to the law. However, as promised, she will be reserved for a position in the government if she ever passes the bar."
Tatay nodded, then pointed at Khushet, who was now rolling through a bed of sawdust, sniffing like a rabid dog. "What about this?"
The diplomat smiled. "I'm sure the Galactic Union would be delighted to meet her right now."