“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
-Robert Frost
Have you ever been put in a situation as described in some of the lines from the great Robert Frost? Well, I did, years ago. And, I still reap the consequences of the choice I made.
At some point in our lives, we are presented with choices, two roads to travel, and some have three or more. Just like how we had the chance to chose a college program. We may have different stories about it, but 5 out of 10 stories are about choosing the “wrong” program and only to realize it later.
Some of us chose the familiar path, like what our parents want or what our families already are (teachers, police, doctors), or the career we can only afford. While we turn away from the less traveled paths, like careers that were never pursued by anyone in the family, or careers we cannot possibly afford.
At first, you can still fool yourself that everything will work out or you can get used to it. Mine only lasted 1 week. The second week, my walls broke down, and I knew it's going to be a long arduous journey ahead in learning to become a teacher while the practice of law was already imprinted in my mind and my heart long before.
It hurts even more when you spend years of your life studying and excelling. Until one fateful day, you halted and faced two roads, unready and unprepared. What were all those years for only to end up lost?
Days felt like a procession, carrying your own cross. Carrying the burden of what ifs and what could have been if you chose the road towards your dream, despite no one traveled yet. Days became months, and months became years, only to notice one more year left to finish the journey. Yet, within those years, it wasn't just a slippery slope, but a bumpy and scarring crawl forward.
At some point, you might even feel guilty. Some people don't have a choice at all. Some were not presented with two roads or no roads at all, they had to pave the road on their own with blood, sweat, and tears, literally and figuratively. Yet here you are, dying inside and mind in turmoil even with the choices you had. But is it bad to dread for a dream buried along the grass that has sprouted in the road less traveled by? Is it bad to bleed while walking in the road you choose to travel by because your heart and mind still remain at the entrance of the road you wished to travel?
Sometimes, whenever I hear my friends talk about how stressed and drained they are in their program, I feel pain and envy that I should not feel. But I feel it. I feel it towards people who despite their struggles and difficulty, it is worthwhile because it is for something they are passionate about, it is for their dreams. While I feel drained and stressed for something I cannot call mine. Who am I really studying for? Four years of my life belong to who? And more years of my life are still not mine. Until then, when can I travel again to finally choose the road less traveled by, the road I have longed to travel.
If by some miracle, I’ll meet two roads once again, I will finally take the one less traveled by. Until then, I can only say, I'm living.