(Photo Courtesy by the California Caregiver Resource Centers)
I was a loud baby. I'd cry at the slightest prodding, or about nothing at all. My parents seldom sleep, wondering what was wrong with me. It's not my diapers, it's new. I'm not hungry, I'm full. And it's not gas because I was burped.
How did my parents survive me? It's amazing to see how mothers would sacrifice their sleep, their jobs, and sanity to change their baby's diapers. When I asked my mother 'how?', she replied: "Because I love you."
Love. Such a funny word. It's terrifying how a single emotion can push us to irrationality. My ‘Mamala’ lost everything in the name of love. She is also alive because of it.
When we arrived in Cembo, Mamala was in the Makati Hospital to recuperate for a few days. She has a blood clot in her brain. So imagine our surprise when I saw her a while later in the arms of Mama and Tita Bea, legs wobbly.
"I thought you'll be staying for a few days at the hospital?" I asked my grandmother as we paid my respects.
"Sabi nga ng doktor, pero si Papa inaalala ko eh," she replied.
'Papa' is Daddy Bau, my grandfather. The old man is lying on a bed dressed in nothing but white sando and an adult diaper. He can't open his eyes, nor talk. His legs are forever bent, and he can only move his hand. I'm unsure if he's cognizant. Despite Mamala's condition, she rushed to change his diaper. A husband and a wife, taking care of each other in old age and sickness.
Except, they're not married. Mamala is legally married to Daddy Dante. Daddy Bau's wife is not Mamala. And Bautisto is not a perfect 'husband.'
While Mamala worked in Singapore, he cheated left and right. He brought women to the house that Mamala paid for and spent her remittance on them. Young Tita Bea and Young Tito Bry were quite neglected. They didn't manage to save a cent.
Seven years after Daddy Bau's disastrous stroke, Mamala is penniless. What was once a luxurious salary is reduced to a meager ₱8,000 monthly pension. And since the Taguig takeover of the Embo Barangays, they no longer have access to free healthcare in the Makati Hospital. So Mamala and Daddy are now two poor and ailing people.
People say Mamala is a fool for taking care of a man who betrayed and squandered her hard-earned money. She should use her remaining resources to care for herself. Instead, she continuously ignores her own health to care for a man who will never heal. Who's to say he'd do the same if their positions were reversed?
"Hayaan na lang niya 'yan, wala naman siyang napala," a relative said.
And it got me thinking, is Daddy not worthy of care just because he's "useless"? I never knew what kind of person he was. But if Mamala has stayed with throughout the years, then he must be someone more than his mistakes. I don't tolerate betrayal of any kind. However, we were taught that everyone is worthy of love—that our worth lies not in our mistakes but in our innate dignity. What, then, is wrong in trying to care for a person who no longer 'contributes'?
And this brings me back to my time as a baby. At some point, everyone was a baby—Dependent, useless. But our caretakers raise us, anyway. If your parents are like mine, they might even expect nothing in return.
An act of great selflessness—that's unconditional love. A love that doesn't envy and never fails. But few people are courageous enough to pursue it. In life, people wear diapers twice—after birth and before death. True love is felt when we are in our diapers. When we're a baby, we subsist through the love of our parents. And when we're old and sick, we exit life with the comfort of those who love us. The circle of life spins on the axis of unconditional love.
Love is painful. If everyone deserves to be loved, then not everyone deserves to love. To love is to give yourself to someone who might not reciprocate. So perhaps the question is not "Will you love me as a worm?" But "Will you love me when I'm in my diapers?”