The gay campus president and the straight varsity jock meet in the corridor sometime after class. They sat on the same bench with some snacks and started out asking how each other’s day went. They suddenly become silly with one another; cracking up jokes and laughing audibly. Everyone around them suddenly gossips, simultaneously rolling their eyes, with matching disgusted looks on their faces. How could this be happening? Is the queer school leader chatting with the hottest guy in school? Are they flirting? This is so embarrassing! This is a learning institution! This is not right!
Wasn’t that a good fanfiction starter? Or was it too abrupt? The scene above illustrates how most people react to a gay guy and a straight guy bonding with one another. It can be an exaggeration, to say the least, Others may even suggest that it's romantic, but one thing is for sure, a lot of people are not used to this kind of relationship. Is it impossible? Absolutely not. Do people know what it really means? Probably not.
But in VSU, it’s nothing new. A gay guy and a straight guy being the best of friends is in fact, a culture in the university’s DNA. To my knowledge, a gay guy and a straight guy can be seen walking in the hallway together, studying in the same pod, eating lunch together, and most importantly, sitting on a bench chitchatting with one another. This friendship is known as the Bromosexual relationship, a blend of the two words: ‘bro’ from the word brother + homosexual. Aside from its quirky wordplay, what does it actually mean and does it exist outside of VSU?
Bromosexual: What does it mean?
Bromosexual is a term used to describe the close but nonromantic/nonsexual relationship between two men: a straight man and a gay man. Genuine love and admiration become its focal point, and it may stem from similar experiences, childhood ties, and parallel personality traits.
A straight man and a gay man being friends is not unheard of. In fact, it’s quite common, but it was not always like that. For the longest time, homosexuality was considered wrong and abnormal, resulting in social abuse that lingers within the patriarchal corners of society. This perception hindered how straight men saw gay men as capable of building meaningful relationships since they feared that they may be influenced by their sexuality or that they may entail more than just friendship. This heterosexist sentiment has perpetuated bromosexual relationships as unique and interesting since a lot of people cannot wrap their heads around such an idea, but the truth is, it’s not. Just like any other friendship, it has its highs and lows, but it certainly is one of the best ones to get into.
The Best of Friends
For straight guys, having a gay best friend is like getting the best slice in a pizza—it’s THAT good. According to Gayety.co, most straight guys consider gay guys as the perfect wingman, a person wherein they can talk and ask for advice when it comes to love, life, and relationships. How many times have you witnessed a scene on a show or a movie wherein a guy openly shares his problems, whether it’s about life or love, to his straight colleagues and is instantly laughed at and made into the butt of a joke? Sadly, aside from the movies, this is also prevalent in real life.
Oftentimes, straight men play into the narrative of toxic masculine ideals wherein being emotional is a sign of weakness, fearing that it may lessen their pre-conceived toughness through the eyes of their peers. However, when a straight guy befriends a gay guy, the sensitivity of the latter becomes a compatible quality to become an “emotional shoulder to lean on”, because the straight guy knows that he will not (for the most part) be judged and his feelings and vulnerability are valued and respected.
Bromosexuality in Mainstream Media
As powerful as it is, mainstream media never catered enough to the representation of bromosexual relationships. If homosexuality is not used as a definitive ploy of how a person reacts to a romantic and/or sexual affection, it is used to portray prominent side characters: the funny sidekick, the hot girl’s confidant, and the controversial love affair—but it never dives into the realm of cross-sex friendships. Ironically, the obsession behind bromance and gaybaiting of celebrities and influential personalities, whether they are gay or not, is scrutinized for its unrealistic portrayals of male-to-male relationships. It is as if two guys cannot be “just friends'' if they are locked inside a room, and that’s problematic.
However, things have been recently taking a turn with the success of Netflix’s Sex Education. One of the show’s highlights is the brotherly friendship between Otis and Eric, which fits the bromosexual category perfectly. This iconic duo is arguably, TV’s best friendship. With Eric being gay and Otis being straight, the depiction of their friendship is not marred with gender or sexuality. Rather, it is nurtured with sensitivity, understanding, and growth. Their friendship makes us realize that sincere moments such as hugging, walking together in the school hallway, and discussing romantic troubles with each other, are not awkward for two gender-opposed people. Rather it strengthens their relationship to a level of closeness that is aspirational for guys alike. They’re just grateful to have each other, and we love to see more of it.
YouTube’s Try Guys champions not only ridiculous and fun content but also a bromosexual closeness among the three. With Eugene Lee Yang being the only gay man in the group, they never make their content uncomfortable for him to enjoy. They even film videos with challenges such as wearing heels, corsets, getting facials and nails; activities that you would not necessarily imagine grown men to be doing, but they do it anyway. With the other two constantly praising Eugene for his intellect, style, assertiveness, and confidence, you could tell that they cannot function without him, not because he’s “different”, but because he’s one of them. It reminds us that friends are bonded by platonic love, not by some absurd fraternal standards that leave certain people out.
Awkward… sometimes?
Bromosexual friendships are as easy as the ocean waves, but there are instances that it can get awkward. There is a pre-existing homophobic notion that occurs when a gay guy and a straight guy are seen hanging out in public; “They might be unto something (romantically or sexually)”, one may suggest. The number of people blurting out the sensationalized “Psst! 150” joke or teasing “yieeeee” can be uneasy. For the straight friend, they dread being referred to as gay or a gay-for-pay, and the gay friend, on the other hand, hates it when they are generalized as the ‘paying for sex’ type.
The level of investment in this kind of friendship can also vary. A gay man can go on and on bragging about his “straight” best friend but a straight man cannot commit to this kind of enthusiasm because sometimes they are hesitant to admit having gay friends (again, because of the stigma).
In an article by Jim Farber for the New York Times entitled The Rise of ‘Bromosexual’ Friendship, he explained that when a gay person gets too comfortable with their straight friend, they might fear that perhaps their friend thinks they’re into them, which can set out a rollercoaster of confusion and misunderstanding.
Also, a lot of straight guys are just flat-out unaware of the concept of gender identity. For a queer person, it’s impressive for us when a straight guy knows about pronouns and gender preferences. Of course, this can be taught, but it’s not really a gay person’s job to treat this kind of ignorance, especially if they were trying to befriend one. It’s the least they could do.
So now, what do we do with these bromosexuals?
It’s pretty easy to answer that question if you’ve read the entire article up until this point, but let’s paint a better picture: With the times changing and the world becoming more inclusive and receptive of innovative ideas that challenge our minds and benefit those who need it most, it’s not too much to ask for everyone to finally come into terms with their feelings towards bromosexual relationships, and by that, I mean, we must normalize it. It would be as simple as this: straight guys shouldn’t be scared of befriending gay guys, gay guys should give straight guys a chance at brotherly affection, and everyone else should just mind their own business.
And this is not only a challenge for gay men and straight men. Ultimately, the goal is to not ostracize anyone from being friends with whomever they like and to tear down discriminatory friendship ideals. Being feminine and/or masculine should not penalize our chance to build a deep and meaningful connection with someone. We must learn to respect and accept the sexuality and gender identity of our friends because if we sincerely love and care for them, it wouldn’t be hard to do so.
So next time, when you see a gay guy and a straight guy together, do not “assume” anything, rather just be happy for them, because they may have found a best friend, a bro-for-life, and a new family in each other.